Back Again

Well, you may have thought that I dropped off the face of the earth.  It almost seems as if I did sometimes.

Sorry that I have not written, here at least, for quite some time.  I have been busy with my Stitching, Knitting, Crocheting, for newborns both in the family and for other families as well.  I will post some of the things I have accomplished.

 

Wish I could say I have accomplished as much within myself as well, but it seems that I have taken more than a step backward in my hope of moving forward dealing with, surviving, and changing the things from my past that need to be confronted.

I want to move forward and keep getting stuck in my own mind.  I know that sometimes my body just takes over and does things I don’t consciously know about.  That’s what is hard about P.T.S.D., with its many layers, each one like an onion, has the ability to make you cry.  Something I try hard to avoid, yet it creeps up on me all the time.

The problem is, it is much easier to just push everything back inside and pretend nothing ever happened.  Because then I would have to admit that I am no longer the strong person I used to be, that I allowed someone to control me to the point that I lost not only that strength but the person inside as well.

It’s late, (or should I say early in the morning) and I was on the computer not really doing much of anything when I checked to see if this blog was still here.  I remembered the password and everything, so I figured it was a sign that I needed to say something.  After all, I started this blog to be heard, so what am I doing being silent?

I’ve made a decision I’ve been silent too long and that I need to continue this journey to be heard.  I know it will take strength that I’m not sure I have as of yet, but if I persevere, I may be able to somehow obtain it.  I hope so.

Along the way, I know I will need a push from supportive people and hope that any of you who read this will let me know how I am doing, along with sharing your stories with me as well.

Thank you for reading.  I hope to have more for you and hear more from you soon.

I’m attaching a picture I found on pinterest…not sure who made it, but it says everything I feel inside.  I Thank the person who made it…It will become my new motto in moving forward.

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Thanks for Hearing.

Sincerely; Bea

Now below you will find, what I said I’d post here…just a few of the stitching, knitting and crocheting projects I’ve accomplished, in the time I’ve been silent.

 

Baby Bib pink Front      Crochet Chunky Baby Bear Earflap Hat with booties   Crochet Chunky Baby Boy Earflap Hat with booties   Crochet Christmas Santa Wreath 1

That’s all for now…Have a Fantastic day!

December View From My Window

This is it…My December view from the window….

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I the flowers are lovely.  They make me smile, and what little snow we have left from our first and only snow of the season, I think, makes a nice background.

Suffering with the P.T.S.D. as I do, it really helps to have something fun to look at, while I’m inside doing so many things.

My goal is to one day, get out there and decorate around the entire fence… baby steps.

I spoke about the nativity that my friends gave us so long ago, and how I put it up every year, first, without the baby Jesus…so, I thought I would take a picture or two, so you could see the wonderful gift for yourself.

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This is the picture of the Hand-Carved nativity…made from Olive Wood from the Holy Land!

The next picture needs a bit of a set-up…My youngest saw the nativity…as pictured above, and said…where is the night, and where are all the stars in the sky (he was not satisfied with the star at the top)?

Then he went to his room, came back with a dark blue ribbon he had saved, and some of the star tinsel from the small tree we had put in their room, he placed it carefully on top of the nativity….it has been there ever since…

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You may notice an ornament on the side…well that was my middle childs contribution to the nativity…it opens and you can put things into it…he said it was a gift for the Baby Jesus…like the wise men gave…so we put it on the side where the wise men are.

Now you know the full story of the Nativity in our house….it is such a special way to remember friends, past years, the children when they were young, and a way to do good deeds for others…all the while celebrating this wonderful season of Christ’s birth.

Let me know some of your traditions for whatever season you celebrate…I would love to hear you!

Thanks again for Hearing.

Sincerely;

Bea Heard

Our B.A.C.A. Angels

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I have to take a few minutes to tell you about a group of people who saved our family.  These were people who I did not want to let into our lives.  The reasons were many… some of the reasons were… I did not want more people who could potentially betray us, as had been done in the past. I did not want to explain our situation again, as it had been done so many times, we were all tired of trying.  I did not trust many people to do what they said they would do, as we had already been told we would be helped by people in the court system…only to be pushed further back.  And Last…I did not want a group of “BIKERS”, around my children…to me, they were a scary bunch of people.  Don’t get me wrong…I have family and friends that are motorcycle riders, and who ride with other motorcycle riders, but a Group of Bikers….there has always been a stigma surrounding them.

I WAS WRONG!!!!!!  This organization turned out to be the biggest group of Angels we have ever seen.

This and all pictures taken from Google, the B.A.C.A. website, and Youtube.

This and all pictures taken from Google, the B.A.C.A. website, and YouTube.

I first heard about them from my family, who were miles away from us, and yes, we felt all alone…even though we had friends who supported us, it was not like having your family there.  My mother called me and said she had been in contact with a group of people who could help us.  As she started talking about them, I couldn’t believe that MY MOM, was telling be to associate myself with a group of Bikers.  I told her I did not want to do it.  She gave me the phone number of a person I needed to contact, and I don’t know what happened to it, but I lost it…not by accident, I’m certain.

After many court dates about a number of things, and my children being more and more afraid to do things…we did not go out much, other than school or work, and they did not play in the yard anymore, for fear that their abuser would take them.  It was a living Hell!

One day, as I was coming home from work with my children, I noticed a biker at the end of the street…it was a unsusal site on that rural stretch of road.  It unnerved me a bit, because I was worried about our abuser, and the threats that had been made due to an upcoming court date.  I went in the house and called my Mom, who along with a brother was coming to be with us during court.  This date was not for about a month, and I was just talking to her about my concerns.  She said. “Don’t be afraid, they wont hurt you.”  I was in shock…my Mom knew about some biker being on my street.  I asked if she had sent them, and told her she had no right to do it.  She said that as a Mom, I should be able to understand the helplessness she felt, thinking her child was in danger, and she only wanted to do something to help.

Well, that did it…I listened to her, as I realized I was not the only mother afraid for her children.  She told me she was in contact with them (B.A.C.A.) and told them about the threats that were given to us…she also said that they had a few  members in the area that would ride by once in a while to make sure things were ok…but, they could not come in and talk to us, or do anything except call the police if something were amiss, unless we contacted them and allowed them to come in.

After she explained that they would not even stop at the end of our driveway without our permission…it made a big difference to me, I realize that they respected our situation and would respect our boundaries as well.

That night I made the call and 2 days later was the first visit.  You have to know that I was so very scared to allow anyone into our lives, but they explained what they were there for, and what they did, and I felt that if my children could feel safe, have a good nights sleep, and testify in court, it would be worth it.

We kept our curtains shut, and it looked like no one lived at our house most of the time.  We were inside, waiting for them to come, and heard the thunderous sound of the bikes,well before they came down our street.  We all looked at each other, and I could tell that my children were a little apprehensive.  I said, “It’s ok, they are coming to help us.”  I did not even know if I believed my own words.  Then we heard them come into the driveway, and slowly but surely it became silent, as each of the bikes found a place and they turned them off.  We did not see them come, as we just stood in the living room, curtains closed, waiting.

Then the knock came at the door, and I hesitantly went to open it.  When I did, I saw a very Tall Menacing looking man standing there.  I wondered if I had made a mistake in my decision to allow them to come.  He was soft-spoken when he introduced himself, and asked us all to come out and meet the group.  When we did, my children clung to me, as I have never seen them do before.  The leader spoke to them by getting down to their level.  He let them know that they were there to protect them, and that they were a family, and wanted my children to be one of their family. Then they gave them each a jacket with a patch on the back and told them that they were now part of the B.A.C.A. family, and when they wore those jackets, it let all members of B.A.C.A. know that they were a B.A.C.A. child.  They gave them a few other things, and Each of my children, slowly warmed up to them…they even put them on the bikes to see how it felt to be on a motorcycle.  They loved it.

of course this is not my child...the message is the same.

of course this is not my child…the message is the same.

Then the leader asked me to go into the house so we could take care of some paperwork and talk about what they would be doing….WHAT…GO INSIDE AND LEAVE MY CHILDREN OUTSIDE???  I did not say those words, but you could see that he knew what I was thinking, because he said…”You can open those curtains and watch them from the window.”  He promised, that they would be safe, and if I felt uncomfortable, I could come back out with them.

I can’t tell you why, but I felt at ease at that point.  This never happened, especially with strangers, and I never trusted people I did not know with my children…Because even people I did know, turned out to be the ones to hurt them.

We went in, and as we were talking, a Miracle happened…I heard laughter…something I had not heard from my children for quite some time, and when I looked up…They were playing…actually playing, and it continued…it started getting dark and it seemed they did not even notice.  I started to cry…then I felt a hand on my shoulder and one of the angels said to me.  ” I Promised you would be safe, and I think your children know it too.”

He was right…they did so much for us in that small space of time, and it only continued.  They visited often, my children came out of their shells, and felt safe, we went to court among an entourage of bikers and my children stood tall.

This is the type of thing you see everywhere, when B.A.C.A. takes a child to court.

This is the type of thing you see everywhere, when B.A.C.A. takes a child to court.

It was a long road, because court was cancelled, postponed, etc., many times, but every time… B.A.C.A. was there, every step of the way…Even when the District Attorney was hesitant to allow them in the courtroom.  We had a practice run, where the District Attorney, and the Children went into the courtroom and he told them where they would be and what they would do…he asked B.A.C.A. to stay outside the courtroom when they were practicing, and they were very nervous.  One of my children had a really hard time…kept fidgeting, and not concentrating on the questions, and even stuttering…then the District Attorney asked if they wanted their friends to come into the courtroom…it was a resounding YES.  After they came in, my child smiled, and stopped fidgeting, and when asked the questions, was able to state the answer clearly and without stuttering.  The District Attorney turned to me and said… “They can stay!”

This is a group of B.A.C.A. members supporting the children...they usually take the seats furthest to the front...in our case...they took up most of the courtroom, and surrounded the victims supporters.

This is a group of B.A.C.A. members supporting the children…they usually take the seats furthest to the front…in our case…they took up most of the courtroom, and surrounded the victims supporters.

That was it…they were allowed into the courtroom, and it made all the difference.

I guess what I want to say with this post is  THANK YOU!  Thanks to Chief for founding such a wonderful group. Thanks to all the members around the world who take time from their own schedules, both personal and work to help children get through some of the worst times of their lives, and for giving them their strength back.  This group of selfless people change lives.

If you need them, or if you know of someone who needs them  go to http://www.bacaworld.org   –   You will not be sorry that you did.

You do need to have an open court case for them to get involved, but they can also give you information and help you find the people to contact if you do not have an open case.

This is a screenshot of the website. www.bacaworld.org

This is a screenshot of the website.
http://www.bacaworld.org

We were lucky enough to meet Chief one time, and my children were in heaven.  I was so grateful.  I hope all our B.A.C.A. Angels know how much they changed our lives.  We are still friends with one of the angels who came into our lives, and we cherish the friendship.  We are also grateful for all those who came from all over to help us…your sacrafices and selfless acts will never be forgotten.

Thanks for hearing us!

Sincerely;

Bea Heard