2016 is Drawing Near

With 2016 just around the bend, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on the past year.

I have done many things that I thought were out of my reach…pushed myself to do things that were impossible just a year ago.

I am proud of my accomplishments this year, and Grateful to many people…Those who have helped me, encouraged me, stood by me through thick and thin, especially to all of you who give me strength and keep me focused by reading my blog along with your kind words to help continue my forward momentum.

In 2016, I hope to delve deeper into the things that scare me, and continue to become stronger, so I can heal what has been torn and broken for a very long time.

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I know the road will not be an easy one…the things I need to overcome sometimes seem too high to reach, but I know with the help of God, Family and Friends (both old and new)…anything is possible.

I will keep posting, writing, along with pushing myself to new heights… Hopefully hearing, and helping others through my journey!

Thanks to all of you for hearing me…I love hearing you too, and hope we will be able to hear each other throughout the new year.

Good Luck to all in 2016 and God Bless!

Thanks for Hearing!

Sincerely;

Bea Heard

Where Did That Come From?

I’m not adding many pictures today…the one above seemed to say it all for me.

This post, as it is titled, stems from an incident I had yesterday.

As most of you know…I was in a domestic violence relationship.  I have aquired severe P.T.S.D. as a result.   Flashbacks come less often than they used to, but when they come up…It drains me.

This one came from out of the blue…Not even sure, sitting here, what triggered it. Let me explain…

I’m having coffee, enjoying the sunny morning and knitting a baby shower gift.  It was a nice morning.  I wasn’t worried about anything, had no reason to be afraid, I was in a safe place.

The next thing I remember, I’m huddled in a corner of the living room, that quite frankly, I’m not sure how I fit into the space…and my 2 children were there.

They, again, as in past episodes, had fearful looks on their faces.  They were obviously trying to talk me back to reality.  I did not know what I did, said, or how I came to be there, but they explained…

They told me that they heard me yelling to call the police, and there was a lot of banging, and they heard me running from room to room.  So they ran upstairs and saw that I was alone…obviously in a flashback.

I thought one of my children was my abuser at one point, and ran to hide in the place I ended up when I became coherent.

I think the worst thing about living with the effects of life after abuse, for me, is the guilt of what I am putting my family through. They suffered through abuse as well, but are not having the flashbacks that I am having at this time.

I feel that they have suffered enough, and don’t deserve to have to live through my baggage as well.

I am trying hard to change how I handle things…it is a long slow process.

I will not give up, and I hope my family does not give up either.

Thanks for hearing, and Thanks to my children for their patience.

Sincerely;

Bea Heard

STRUGGLING!

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That word can mean so many things. From Struggling with your first steps, words, feelings, when you are small, to growing up and struggling with peers, fitting in, homework, making the grade, getting into a good college…or getting in to one at all.

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Then there is the struggle with world Hunger, racism, Political Unrest, Homelessness, Mental Health, Body Image, Phobias, Fears, Money Issues…

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In general… Everyone, Everywhere has some kind of tightrope to walk each day, and as the saying goes…”You cannot judge someone, until you have walked a mile in their shoes.”  That is so true, because the tightrope you are walking, and the tightrope I’m walking, and the tightrope others are walking, are not just real, but the fall can be as damaging to me as it can be for you.

Found this picture at vividlife.me

Found this picture at vividlife.me

I know I have been guilty of making statements like….. “If they want to know what problems are, I’ll show them problems.”…or… “What do they know of trouble, they should have my life?”…. and the big one…”They deserve it, they brought it on themselves.”

Why is it then, that when we hear statements like that, we are quick to get upset at those who made them, but cannot even recognize when we do it ourselves? We all face our individual demons in life.

Such a Powerful picture...I found it on thedistinctdot.com...and to me it can mean so many things...our struggles with body image, our trapped deamons, our reaching out to others....everyone can see here what they need to see.

Such a Powerful picture…I found it on thedistinctdot.com…and to me it can mean so many things…our struggles with body image, our trapped demons, our reaching out to others….everyone can see here what they need to see.

I sit here struggling with a Mental Health issue, and I see things posted on Facebook and other social media, that condemns problems like I face, and Millions of others in the world face much of the same.  Then I recoil, and retreat back into my little cave of a world, where I feel safe, and don’t have to hear or read anything that makes me feel smaller than I already feel.

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I know there are many out there who share those same feelings…maybe not for the same reasons…someone may be shrinking back from the crowd because of low self-esteem, some from peer pressure, some from racism, others still from any number of Phobias, fears, etc.

We need to stop Judging others, and thinking that because they are Bigger or Smaller, Thinner or Thicker, Black or White, Christian or Muslim, Poor or Wealthy, Outgoing or introverted…that they need to somehow be fixed by us… We can help in healing IF THEY NEED IT(why do we think that people need to be fixed if they are different…they will ask for help if they need it, or they may not be ready for help if they do need it.), but we are wrong to Judge them, and persecute them because of what they wear or the way that they think.

Take the time to WALK IN THEIR SHOES…and I don’t mean to just think about it for a few seconds…Really take the time to get to know about the things you are unfamiliar with…because it is in Not Knowing that we make the mistake of Judging.

If you really knew my problems, or If I really knew yours, we would be less likely to do and say things that are hurtful, and or harmful to others.

I struggled today to get out of bed, and go about my day…then I think…there are some out there who don’t even have a place to lay their head.  It was only then, when I thought about others that I was able to get myself out of my cave…but I don’t want to be judged as to why I need my cave in the first place.

 No one wants to be judged unfairly…NO ONE!  We all need to understand that each of our struggles are very real and very debilitating, in our individual realities…Then we need to show a little more compassion when looking at others….maybe that is when our own struggles, won’t be as hard to handle.

Thanks for Hearing!

Bea Heard