Where Did That Come From?

I’m not adding many pictures today…the one above seemed to say it all for me.

This post, as it is titled, stems from an incident I had yesterday.

As most of you know…I was in a domestic violence relationship.  I have aquired severe P.T.S.D. as a result.   Flashbacks come less often than they used to, but when they come up…It drains me.

This one came from out of the blue…Not even sure, sitting here, what triggered it. Let me explain…

I’m having coffee, enjoying the sunny morning and knitting a baby shower gift.  It was a nice morning.  I wasn’t worried about anything, had no reason to be afraid, I was in a safe place.

The next thing I remember, I’m huddled in a corner of the living room, that quite frankly, I’m not sure how I fit into the space…and my 2 children were there.

They, again, as in past episodes, had fearful looks on their faces.  They were obviously trying to talk me back to reality.  I did not know what I did, said, or how I came to be there, but they explained…

They told me that they heard me yelling to call the police, and there was a lot of banging, and they heard me running from room to room.  So they ran upstairs and saw that I was alone…obviously in a flashback.

I thought one of my children was my abuser at one point, and ran to hide in the place I ended up when I became coherent.

I think the worst thing about living with the effects of life after abuse, for me, is the guilt of what I am putting my family through. They suffered through abuse as well, but are not having the flashbacks that I am having at this time.

I feel that they have suffered enough, and don’t deserve to have to live through my baggage as well.

I am trying hard to change how I handle things…it is a long slow process.

I will not give up, and I hope my family does not give up either.

Thanks for hearing, and Thanks to my children for their patience.

Sincerely;

Bea Heard

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