This is so cute…and a helpful way to teach a child…Had to post it…check out some of the other posts by this blogger! It says not for children…but I could see it helping them too.
The title of my post today denotes my figurative and literal feelings at this moment, let me explain….
In the literal sense…it is COLD outside…finally some of the still green leaves will lend a bit of color to my outdoor scene, before winter snow begins…I miss seeing the brilliant autumn colors of the eastern United States.
In the figurative sense…a chill set in thinking about the fact that I need to somehow venture outside these four walls of my P.T.S.D. cave to do a little work before winter.
I need to get the hummingbird in and change the dead flowers for some silk winter ones, so I can see something pretty from the window…maybe silk autumn leaves first.
Then I need to get the Hummingbird feeder from the tree, so it will not freeze and meet the same demise as last years model.
Not to mention the terracotta planters…the biggest of which did not see the soil, nor what I intended to plant in it…and the smaller ones, though perfect for halloween…need to have the dead plants attended to…then they need to come in so they will not crack in the winter cold. Hopefully next year I can venture out to plant something beautiful…or tasty!
Last but not least is the hose that needs to be brought in so it will not freeze and the two outdoor faucets that need protective coverings, allowing them not to get frozen, crack and flood the basement.
All this…taking of pictures to show you my intended duties are what put the figurative chill in me…because just taking the pictures frazzled my nerves.
That is why I put the above minion picture in…fits me to a “T”!
Then I have been going through the MOUNDS…and I truly mean MOUNDS of knit and crochet items, piling up on my writing area and around my rooms in bags, boxes (sorry for the poor pictures…lighting not so good in the early morning when these were taken), etc..
In going through all of them…and the storage spaces (for items gently used that cold be sold, i.e., games, cooking items etc.). I was hoping to have a Yard Sale.
But…you know…that means…GOING INTO THE YARD…WITH PEOPLE THERE!
So…it has been put off, weekend after weekend, until now it is colder, almost Halloween, and I’m debating if a Yard/open house would work.
I need to do something, because I’d like my writing space back. Not that I do not love writing at the kitchen table, where I get to see the outdoors, but it is nice to separate the two…(Yes my brother, you were right).
So…I will try to rally my children, who will hopefully feel generous enough to help me for a day or two…both in getting the things done outside that need accomplished before the freeze…and in the Yard/open house I need to have, both to clear my space and make a bit of money!
Now… to set a date and push through another round of fears.
With God and my Family…I know it can be done.
Wish me luck!
The above one is a saying I saw and had to post (found on Pinterest)…to inspire me and hopefully someone else along the way!
Thanks for Hearing!
I just had a wonderful visit from my Brother. It was unexpected, and brightened my day. He even brought this….
He stopped by because he was on a break, and his work today took him close to my house. He also brought pictures….from his camera, that I borrowed when my oldest proposed. He even brought the thumb drive to download them for me…I’m so Blessed to have a Family like I do. Everyone Loves and cares do much about each other. We do, as all families, have our times when we don’t agree…but that is life. When it comes right down to it though, we would walk through fire for each other.
I thank God every day for my family and friends. Without them, I would have never made it this far.
So this post was just to say Thanks to my brother and God! My brother (and his son for putting the pictures on the thumb drive) for always calling, visiting, making me laugh when I least feel like doing so, for always being there. And Thanks to God for bringing him into my life.
Thanks to all of you for reading and Hearing me!
Today, I felt that I would like to update you on our October 18th Celebration and a few other things.
We had a Great time together…Watched Fast and Furious 7, and made Pizza (I make the dough, they make their own pizza), and of course we had our toast. Then my oldest stayed the night (nice!!!), and we were able to have a long overdue talk.
This past week has been a trying one (I know it is Wednesday, I mean since last Wednesday)… My youngest is 19 and likes to think showing no emotion and being strong all the time is how life should be lived, had something happen in my child’s upper neck, that at first I thought must be the way it was slept on. But alas..that was not it, because even when there was absolutely no movement…the pain would shoot at random. Tried to set up a trip to the doctor…but that was a..No Go! So it is still being dealt with…pain is intermittent. It is hard to see your child in such pain, and be unable to do anything to make it better…As a Mom, we like to make things better.
My middle child is having a hard time with job and finances, and tries so hard to make everything work. Just needs to calm down and relax a bit. Want to help, but don’t have the resources necessary! Just trying to be supportive.
My oldest is making decisions that I wish I could change, but as a parent you can only give advice and step back, let them make their own decisions and be there to help them if they need you…Hard when they are no longer small enough to do for them.
So now to me. I have been trying to find work to do in my home, but the options are so very limited. P.T.S.D., and the way it is affecting me, is hard to deal with, especially when you need money to survive.
An opportunity presented itself, and I jumped right on it…waited…got a return email…needed to take an online test…did not have a computer that allowed what they needed…borrowed one…took the test…did ok I guess, as I got a return email to go forward. By this time the computer I borrowed was no longer here…tried on my small computer…could not finish, because of said computer…needless to say…got another email stating…they were looking elsewhere for the right fit.
Ok…Onward and upward…thats all I can say. I will not give up…not on my children…not in my job search…and most definitely, Not in my Recovery!!!
Thanks for Hearing! (sorry not pictures today)
HAPPY OCTOBER 18th
That is what we say to each other in our family…every year on this day. Why, you might ask? Well, it is a special day to my children and myself because that is the day we were all Free of the Abuser in our life.
All the time and waiting for court cases to end, and waiting for the ability to move to be with family…the wait was over…that was the day we walked into the courthouse bound…and came out free!
During that day at court, our abuser (their Father) gave up his parental rights…he did so to gain a lighter sentence. That day the Judge told my children that now I was their Mother and their Father…she joked that I could scold them in one room and then take them into another room and do it again.
I could not wipe the smile off their faces…nor did I want to…It had been a very, very long time since I had seen that level of happiness in them.
We decided to go to the store and get something special for dinner that night. You know… I don’t even remember what we got for the meal, but I do know, my oldest saw some champagne glasses…since it was Autumn, the tops of the glasses were a gold color and the stems were clear. It was mentioned that we should get them to celebrate…So we bought four of them, along with a bottle of Sparkling Cider ( could not have the real stuff until they grew up a lot more ), along with the food and headed home.
That night we shared a meal in the dining room, and toasted with our sparkling cider…then one of my children (don’t remember who at this time) said… “we should do this every year.”
And that is how our October 18th celebration came about…We have since celebrated it, and promised each other that no matter what or where we are on that date…we would come together, spend the day…just the four of us, and have a toast in those same glasses…then with care, we pack them up, place them in a box that is marked for the occasion and put the box carefully away on the shelf until the next year.
I just wanted to share with you the Love I feel for my children, they are the true Hero’s in our story…because they were so very courageous in coming forth with things that were so very hard. I commend them for doing so…I could not do it for myself, I truly thought I had shielded them from the abuse, and that they were not enduring it…when I finally found out, because one of my Brave children came forward, I found the courage to do something about it. I finally became the mother they needed. I finally opened my eyes, and realized that they had seen, heard, and endured, more than I was willing to admit.
So again I say…to my children…HAPPY OCTOBER 18th, and may we share many, many more together! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!
Thanks for Hearing!
I realize that I already did a blog at the beginning of the month about Halloween..but that was before my Wonderful Aunt came to visit me.
This lady is so very talented, crafty and comes to visit me bringing an array of things to do or decorate with. We got together recently and she brought a project that was sooooo much fun.
You know the Fairy pot craze…
Well, because we both love Halloween…she thought it would be fun to do a Halloween themed version. It was Great. We made a dirty mess…and had food, drinks (cranberry, lime, and sprite…no spirits…we will save that for Halloween), laughed, and made fun Halloween Fairy pots.
Then we set about decorating…such a good time shared with a Beautiful lady. I’m so blessed to have Family and Friends who support me, even in my craziest of times.
I’m going to show pictures of our Mess, the finished product and the corner of my Kitchen that is now decorated with wonderful things she gave to me. I Thank her for all the kindness she always shows to me…for the passion she exudes for any holiday, and for making life a little more fun to be in. I Love you!!!
Now a look at the corner in my Kitchen, where I have the perfect view of all the fun Halloween decorations…
It is better at night, because they all light up or glow in the dark…
Now we cannot forget the wonderfully fun cup she brought me…
Of course I don’t like eggs…they are the scariest part of this thing…But I made them after she left…for my children…who devoured them. We found it on Pinterest and we both decided to make them for dinner.
She also brought a book. She knows I love to read and write. I will read just about any genre. This one is a children’s book about Halloween by Barbara Robinson, and it is Titled “The Worst-Best Halloween ever.
The book is about the Herdman Kids, who love to cause mayhem on Halloween and every day for that matter. But this year the Mayor cancels Halloween, so the town will not be subject to the Herdmans disastrous ways….but will it work? You will have to read the book to find out. I promise anyone who reads this will find the child in them again. It is a fun read. Pick up a copy and read it yourself or read it with your children. You won’t be disappointed.
All in all, it was a delightful day. A Great way to De-Stress…My journey continues.
Thanks for Hearing this BOO-tiful tale.
Wow…two posts in one day…I must be feeling better, and I’m on a roll.
Truth is, I could not let the Small act of kindness I received today to go unnoticed.
I’ll preface it with what happened just before this act of kindness.
I was in my kitchen, doing dishes, and one of my children had gone out the back door..all the sudden my child asked me to call the police, because a lady was being beaten behind the church (just next door to our house), and she was calling for someone to call the police.
Well, as you know I and my children were abused, so it does not set well with us to see or hear others in similar situations. I dialed 911 and the police were there quickly…the only thing was, that my children (2 of them now because of the commotion), went around the house and to the church to see if they could help…That made the man put her in the car and they started to leave…The Police made it just in time to block one of the driveways. Then because he had nowhere to go, the man backed up to go around the other side…my children stood there (WHAT WERE THEY THINKING), and me watching from the porch, could only worry. But another police car came before the car got back around the church.
Well…the long and the short of it is…they took the man, and the lady looked horrible…They took her in an ambulance. He had really done a number on her. All I could do was pray that she will be brave enough to follow through now, on pressing charges. I know full well the fear in her right now…she has a long road ahead.
So much for my previous post today of De-Stressing…That threw me for a loop. I got inside and was shaking like a leaf.
Then…out of the blue…not related to the situation that happened…someone came to my door and gave me these…
Wow…such a suprise…and it was for no other reason than to brighten my day…I didn’t even know the person who gave them to me. They just said it was to cheer me up. Wow..such a small act of kindness, and such a Big result.
It was an unexpected De-Stresser…and they sit on my table now (unfortunately I do not have a vase…don’t get them enough to have one), and put a smile on my face.
Thanks to whomever it was that gave them to me…I know they may never read this, but I had to post it to show my gratitude. At least you will all know that there are those out there doing things to brighten someones day, for no other reason other than it’s a kind thing to do.
I hope they receive something just as wonderful soon in their lives…God Bless!
Gives me hope…we all need that!
Thanks for Hearing!
Today…I’m pretty much just winging it. Had no real plan for a blog post, it just came to me as I was doing my thing, and trying to De-Stress. I just thought I’d share a couple of the ways I calm myself down.
The above image tells it all…I’m using it because that represents Cooking for me. I love to cook, bake, just about anything culinary. And when I’m stressed, I cook.
I also love to Read, Knit, Crochet, do all manner of crafty things…
Of course a cup of coffee or tea can’t hurt the process.
My all time favorite…HUGS!!!
Hugs have been hard for me to do…even with my family…I know they would never hurt me, but my body did not want people too close. I’ve come to be able to give and get hugs though…I’ve missed it, and doing it over and over, even when I don’t feel safe doing so (with the people I know love me that is), has helped…again…my Therapist was right!
But I can’t always get the last one (Hugs)…either my family and friends are not around when I could use one, or the people on the street won’t cooperate…Ha!Ha! Not only will they not cooperate…I usually don’t have the ability to go outside my cave. (due to PTSD)
Not going outside my four walls leaves the other things that I would like to do to de-stress, out of the picture…like…taking a walk, riding a bike, hiking, camping, or just sitting on the beach and watching the waves…
another thing that keeps me from doing this one is…I DON’T LIVE BY THE BEACH ANYMORE! So sad for me, because the water was always so very soothing. So I just have to put on meditation music, the ones that have waves in it, and let that be enough. I was able to find a nice thing on Netflix, it was called Moving Art, and it was oceans…yeah!!! Almost like being there…and I watch it while I am riding my stationary bike.
Well…we all do what we must to cope.
Now I know that the things I do, may not appeal to some of you, but I have found solace in writing this blog, and keeping a journal, along with trying to write down my experiences (some of those cause stress).
I like aroma-therapy, music, comedies, etc., and they all help for a while…but we all know…those of us living with any form of stress or P.T.S.D., that it is only a temporary fix…we all need to get the help we need to deal with the underlying problems, before our ways of coping…just don’t work anymore.
I’m putting an image of something I found online about how to deal with stress…maybe some of it will help give you an idea on what to do in your life to keep the stress bug away.
My suggestion…just do the things that make you happy!!!
I hope my little tidbits can help someone, or give someone an idea on how to de-stress in your daily life.
Thanks again for Hearing!
It took a very long time for me to understand the above statement. I was one of those who thought that something was wrong with me. Through many counseling sessions, and Doctor visits, along with conversations with family and friends, I have now come to accept that it IS something that happened to me. I also accept that I DO have P.T.S.D.!
I thought that P.T.S.D. was something that happened only to those in the military. Boy was I wrong! Everyone, and I mean Everyone is susceptible to the Hell that is P.T.S.D., and it is a terrifying thing to live with.
As if the trauma that got you there is not enough, they throw in Flashbacks, anxiety, Depression, and a whole boatload of other things. This is what you have to look forward to, AFTER, the trauma!
Now, not all people (even those sharing the same traumatic experience) develop P.T.S.D., some people’s brains handle stress, violence,etc., different. But there are those whose Hippocampus (learned that from my Doctor) and Amygdala don’t communicate well (my words, not the doctors…it’s what I took from the conversation). You see…the Amygdala is the part of the brain in charge of Emotional Memory…and especially Fear related memories. But, in cases of P.T.S.D., the persons Hippocampus (the portion in charge of placing memories in the correct order and placing it in a safe place), is suppressed. And that…in simple terms is what causes the person with P.T.S.D., to have Flashbacks. Those lovely things that put you right back in the midst of the situation that got you here…fun…right….NOT!!!!
That being said…again, anyone is subject to acquiring P.T.S.D., given the right (or should I say Wrong) circumstances.
Of course we know that Military personnel suffer the effects of being in war situations, and can develop P.T.S.D., but so can the people who see these things, those who are living in areas where war takes place. Also, those who see live footage on T.V., could possibly acquire P.T.S.D., if what they see makes them afraid.
Victims of Bullying, Abuse, Shootings, Bombings….first responders who see the aftermath of violent or destructive events, are also prone to P.T.S.D.. Those who work in hospitals, who see traumatic things…you see…anyone and I mean ANYONE, is at risk.
It took me a long time, as I said to admit that the Abuse I suffered could cause me to have P.T.S.D., I guess, I just thought it was anyone who was Brave, and withstood horrific things in war, that were ok to have it…. as if it were a badge of courage that they earned. Not so…it is your own living Hell…with no escape. You can’t wake up one day and it is gone. There is no cure…much like some medical diseases.
You need to seek help if you have P.T.S.D., and here are some of the signs to look for…
If you have P.T.S.D., or know someone who does…HANG IN THERE!!!
It may not be curable, but there is hope to subdue some of the effects.
I was afraid to talk to anyone about my Abuse at first…I guess I thought that my abuser would somehow know that I was talking about it, and come back and follow through with the threats made against my life and the lives of those I Loved.
I know that he is capable of following through, because he has in the past. But I will never heal, if I don’t talk about them…The Nightmares will never stop, if I don’t talk them through and find a place for them. Because my Hippocampus was suppressed and did not allow the amygdala to do its job. You see…it’s something out of our control. The only way to get any relief, is to talk to those who have been trained to help, and the ones who know what you are going through.
I know that therapy helps…I know I need to get back to it. I have been away from it for some time, because I could not pay for it. There are places though that help without you having to pay..you need to ask your Doctor…they have avenues you can use.
Let me tell you one of the ways I know that Therapy helps. I have many recurring dreams, about things that happened…some are not real things, just something my brain makes up. But they all seem very real, and I never fail to wake up in a sweat!
My counselor said that if we talked about them in our sessions, he felt they may subside…it’s that amygdala/hippocampus thing again…where your brain needs to process it, so it can be put in the proper place where it will not jump out and bug you again, and again.
So, he asked me to pick one of the worst dreams, and we would talk about it the next week. Of course, I have a hard time talking about anything that happened, and dreams are no exception…I couldn’t bring myself to go into one of the worst…so I picked a “funny” one…of course it is in Quotations, because it is not really funny, but when I tell it you will understand.
In my dream…I drive a bus full of school children, and my friend is driving a bus that is following me. We drive down the street to the house where I lived when the abuse took place…now…I don’t know why I would be driving a bus load of school children to a house where an abuser lives, but the dream goes on. I stop across the street from the driveway, and suprize…I get the children out of the bus…my friend comes up with her bus children and puts them on my bus. I ask her to stay with the children (my bus kids) while I walk across the street. Now…I don’t know why I’m even walking across the street…I don’t even want to be there. When I get to the other side…all the sudden a huge tree comes crashing down, and falls on his Truck!
Well…I start to laugh hysterically (those who know me know that if I’m afraid, I laugh) and then the hairs on the back of my neck stick up, I turn around and there he is…..That is when I wake up, sweating and laughing.
“So, Doc,” I say…”what does it mean?”
He then proceeds to discuss with me, that he thinks the bus children represent my own children, and that having my friend stay with them is my way of protecting them while I face something scary (not his word). The fact that I crossed the street…he said indicates my willingness to confront some of the issues I’m having, even if it is hard…the tree falling, he said, may represent the Abuse and it hitting his truck could indicate that I want to smash his control over me. Of course him being behind me after it happened, could indicate that I still fear him (of course) and always feel as if he is behind me no matter what I do.
Well…all of it seemed to make a little sense to me, but when I left the office that day, I was a little more than skeptical, as to whether it would make a difference in my dreams.
Wow…I did not have the dream that night…nor have I ever had it again! So, I must say there is a method to his (my therapist) madness. It did work…but unfortunately I have been unable to test the theory further, as it was the second to last visit I had with him….and we were making such good progress.
I know I need to get back to counseling, and to my Doctor for the pills I was taking to help reduce the stress (yes they were working…didn’t realize till I did not have them). It all helps, and I know I need to find a way to get back to it. Because my symptoms are increasing ten fold.
Things need to change, because it affects everyone in your life when you suffer with P.T.S.D., not just you. So in my NON-PROFESSIONAL opinion…Get Help! It really does Help!
You can live with P.T.S.D., it may be a long hard road…and an ongoing battle. But I do see a light at the end of the tunnel…Maybe even living outside of my cave.
Good Luck to all of you living with P.T.S.D.! Feel free to comment and share your experiences.
Thanks for listening!
That is where I have been for some time.
I’ve been fighting the CRUDDS, as I call it, for quite a while now….but on Friday it hit me hard. Then my temperature went to over 102 degrees for the second time on Saturday, and one of my children said I needed to go to the doctor. Well, I don’t like to go to doctors…have had enough of them, among other reasons. But the way I was feeling, it was quickly becoming the only conceivable option.
My oldest child got wind of my illness, and he and his fiance came over at around 10:30pm and decided it was time to take me to the Hospital, as my fever had gone above 103 degrees. They packed me in the car (Hey when did I become the child here), and off we went.
I guess when you get a fever that high…you jump to the top of the waiting list in the emergency room (one of a few reasons to accomplish that feat).
So…around 2am, yes you heard, 2am and 2 I.V. bags of fluid later. They came in and told me they could not find the source of infection that would spike a temperature that high, the tests came back and all they could find was….I had the beginnings of a cold!!!!
WHAT????? BEGINNINGS OF A COLD??????
I have been like this for over 3 weeks…minus the temperature…and it is the BEGINNINGS of a cold?
Well, that was an expensive explanation of my illness. Other than the fact that I was severely dehydrated (thus the 2 bags of fluid), the trip to the hospital was a bust.
I AM THE MOM…MY MOM IS NO LONGER HERE…NOW WHAT???
And something for the aches and pains…
Well enough to type a post, but not to delve into anything serious. I will do that tomorrow.
Thanks for Hearing my tale of woe!