Navigating My Tablet

Well, the beginning of a new Work Week.  My self-imposed way of getting back into the world.

Not mine, but close!

Not mine, but close!

It is going so-so today…as I am having a bit of trouble navigating the Tablet.  I was given this tablet for Christmas last year…my boys thought  as my Computer was dead, that I could use the new technology.

I am finding it both Wonderful and Exhausting at the same time.  Every time I try to put something in..i.e., pictures, quotes, etc., I end up having to take a screenshot of my things. Yes, even the ones I have taken with my own camera.

There must be a better way.  I always thought that I was relatively knowledgable about computers etc., but things change so fast, and I am a visual learner, and do best when shown what to do first.  But, I have no one around on a regular basis to help out…so…I am on my own.  Don’t get me wrong, I have people to help me, family members are ever willing to lend support.  I just have a processing problem (ha,ha).

So, now that I have told you my beginnings of the day.  I can let you know that I had a Great weekend…My small guest was so much fun and Great Medicine for the soul.  We made many things,

Salt clay...she made me a butterfly with a tadpole!

Salt clay…she made me a butterfly with a tadpole!

and read books, watched movies, made meals together.

Spachetti cooked inside hot dog pieces, with cheese sauce...mac and cheese with a twist!

Spachetti cooked inside hot dog pieces, with cheese sauce…mac and cheese with a twist!

We even made a tent in the living room, (sorry no picture of that) slept there and told ghost stories.

All in all, it was restful…until….she left.  Then, while I was alone again…things were able to creep into my mind.  I had a rough rest of the weekend, but as you can see…I LIVED!

So…upward and onward, as it were.  I am going to stop playing with the tablet, and trying to get it to work my way…and do a bit more writing on the Hard stuff that must be addressed.

Thanks to all for reading.  I want to Thank those of you who are following me.  It gives me added incentive to continue when I know there are those out there reading. Thanks for helping me stay on track.  Please leave comments, good or bad…as I cannot get better at this if I don’t get feedback.

Thanks for Hearing!

Sincerely;

Bea Heard

The Passing of an Inspirational Man

Today was to be the last of my elongated weekend.  But with the passing of Oliver Sacks, I just had to take a moment to add a post.

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This was a Great man and Author.  His passing will not go un-Heard.  He will be missed, not only by his Family and Friends, but by all those who have been touched by his writing and inspiration.

He was able to inspire me with his writing, and after seeing other posts on him, I am inspired to forge ahead even more.

I will take the rest of today, but I had to leave my tribute to him first…Then tomorrow, I will be back to work….Harder than ever, with an Author Angel who will be watching over all those who desire to put their words to paper and share it with others.

One of my favorites from Mr Sacks.

One of my favorites from Mr Sacks.  

Thank you Mr Sacks…. You have Truly been Heard!!!

Sincerely;

Bea Heard

Ending Work Week Early (To Have Fun)

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I am ending my work week early…I know it is Thursday, and I have only been Hard at work since Monday, but….

I was writing away this morning, and then I received a phone call from my Oldest Son, and because he and his Fiance are going to be on opposite work schedules…They only have this weekend to spend some time together, before they will not have much quality time alone for a while.  So, I get to reap the rewards, as it were…because His Fiance’s Daughter (I am Nanna now) is coming over to spend the night tomorrow.  Yeah!!!!!!!   Girl time for me….did not get that much, as I had all boys!  Though I always Love spending time with Children, when else do you get to act like a Kid…no matter how old you are?

So,  because of what writing about this subject does to me, and with having a small child here….I want my mind to be at it’s best, and cut down the risk of me having a flashback and scaring her unintentionally.  I have decided to give the Hard stuff a rest for the weekend.  I will be back on Monday, and will work harder than ever, since, I know I am going to have a Great time…I always do when Children are around…they are the BEST MEDICINE, I always say!  I know I enjoy it whenever I have nieces and nephews over, and now another little one in the mix…Couldn’t be happier!

I have even gone on Pinterest to get some new ideas, for fun projects to do…Here are some that I am thinking about doing…

Who does not like balloons, especially as a rocket?!!!

Who does not like balloons, especially as a rocket?!!!

and…

Foam Paint...Made with equal parts Shaving Cream and White Glue, with food coloring added...Fun!!

Foam Paint…Made with equal parts Shaving Cream and White Glue, with food coloring added…Fun!!

And…

Salt Dough ornaments to hang in a room...with perler beads and paint...Great Idea!

Salt Dough ornaments to hang in a room…with perler beads and paint…Great Idea!

added recipe for good measure…

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and last but certainly not least….

Loom knitting...always has been one of my favorites...Hope she likes it!

Loom knitting…always has been one of my favorites…Hope she likes it!

Now I have to ask….who is really going to have more fun…Her or Me!!!!

Well, we all know the answer to that one!!!

Thanks for Hearing, and A Happy Early Weekend to Everyone!!!

Sincerely;

Bea Heard

PROCRASTINATING!

Yes, the word of the day is Procrastinating….I have been up (getting up…a relative thought), since 5am.  Spent 1 1/2 hours on the Exercise bike..usually I do that later in the day…

Yes you see my stash of yarn behind the bike...helps my inspiration level

Yes you see my stash of yarn behind the bike…helps my inspiration level

Then made the coffee, looked at this blog site, decided to read other blogs that I follow.  Found some disheartening, some inspiring, some funny…that all killed a few hours, and now we are here at about 8:30am still procrastinating.

Filled the coffee again, made me a biscuit with PB&J, to eat for breakfast, filled the water, drank it right down, filled it again with ice and lemon juice added for good measure… took a bite or two of the biscuit… wrote in the journal (this too, I usually do later), and then decided to get to work…

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But as you can see…I’m doing this instead.  I realized that my Procrastinating, was because….the writing I did yesterday, invaded my sleep, AGAIN!  I have a feeling this is going to be a regular thing…and as my Sibling pointed out yesterday….I’m going to have to PUSH THROUGH IT!

Saw a Hummingbird feeding from the feeder…even in the rain…gave me a smile that I greatly needed right now.  I think my Grandmother sent it!

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But sitting down today and seeing the last words I wrote, just got to me…they were part of the outline I made for my chronological list I’m putting together, and I usually write a miniscule portion of the event, to help me remember what I want to write about.  The entry was….Hit me with baby in my arms!

The Memories Flooded in yesterday, and my work day on the book ended…I watched a few episodes of Friends, Made dinner…Spaghetti and Meatballs, as it took quite a space of time to complete, and kept me busy…spoke to my Sibling, and had a Great Ab workout, as Usual!

And today, as I look at it again….I am fighting with myself to actually go back there for that one…It is something, I may pass over and come back to…Problem is…How much of the paper do I leave blank, so I can come back to it?

Well, I’ve Procrastinated long enough…time to “Jump in with both feet”, as it were, and do some real healing!!!!

More later…Thanks for Hearing!

Sincerely;

Bea Heard

ANOTHER DAY AT WORK….FEELS GOOD!

Well, another day…feels good to be writing again, can’t tell you how long it has been since I have had my writing fingers going as long and as hard as they have the past two days!

I got up this morning (after thinking I would actually get good sleep…Ha!) surviving a rough night.  I was so tired, after staying up all the night before, writing incessantly till morning and beyond!  Though sleep came fast…it did not last long.  It seems that the writing I did, brought back dreams, 10 fold.  But I will not let it discourage me.

Let me show you a picture of how my table looks on a normal…not working on writing day!!!

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Yes, my creative juices flow into the crafty side as well…it has always had a way of calming me…that and cooking…so on my breaks…it is there ready for me.

This is now how my table looks….I can’t take a panoramic view, so you get stages…

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Cluttered Chaos…you say…Well, Yes…but it is Organized cluttered Chaos to me….I need the knitting and crafting items for my breaks…to settle the nerves from the writing, about all the scary stuff!  I of course need the paper and pencils, pens, erasers etc., for the work on the book (thus my work day), and of course, we cannot forget the coffee…though it looks like I have 2 coffee mugs going (normally not a problem)…the one in the back, even having a Dunkin Doughnuts sticker on it…is actually water….yep…need to stay extra hydrated!

And we cannot forget the view….

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One day, I hope this is my view!!!

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And I hope to be writing, outside…yes, you heard, outside looking at this from my Deck, and still writing away!

So, Break is over, and it is time to get back to work….the Novel will not write itself.

Talk to you soon, and Thanks for Hearing!

Sincerely;

Bea Heard

FINALLY IS FINALLY HERE

I know you have heard it from me before…but this time…I am really serious!  Let me tell you why I know that to be true.

Since my last Re-Coop post…Much has happened…me being without meds for the P.T.S.D., has taken a toll…not all in a good way.

But I am re-energized, I have actually been out there in the world…I can prove it…

My Family started a team for the American Cancer Society, for the Relay for Life event that they hold each year.  Well….I joined, and since I told all my friends and Family I was doing it…I could not back out.  And they make a Great Entourage!

Everyone had my back…I got to walk the Survivors Lap (as if Abuse was not enough of a lesson…Leukemia CML…was thrown in for good measure)  and here is the wonderful Purple T-Shirt to prove it…

The shirt is a more vivid purple than it looks on this picture!

AThe shirt is a more vivid purple than it looks on this picture!

And another one of the back of the shirt…

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I got that one, because my family put me in for the Survivors lap…I did it, with their help…so many in the family have had cancer, not just me…but others there that day too.  Family and Friends, some newly made that day.

I can’t believe I actually did it….I unfortunately did not make it the entire night…The rest of the team did, but I had, as Night fell, and after the candlelight lap (so emotional) an incident that put me out of comission…I wanted so bad to do the whole thing, but my body did not want to co-operate.

My goal was 24 laps…but I only made 17 as you can see here from the beads…they gave us a bead for each lap finished…

17 laps...more next year...God Willing!

17 laps…more next year…God Willing!

And here is a picture of the end of the Survivors lap, where we let balloons go, whenever we heard something in a song they played, that inspired us, we were to let the balloon we were holding go…looks like everyone almost hit the same point in the song…to be honest, I cannot remember the name of the song…I need to ask someone, it was Beautiful!

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But even though I did not make it through to the morning….and I was heartbroken…I realized this was a HUGE step.  Especially, since I have not been out in a public place for anywhere near that amount of time (6 hours) for a very, very long time!

Even without meds…it can be done….I have though, been trying to compose myself and Push myself a little each day since….Those beautiful flowers from my window that I posted a while back…. I have gone out there now and then….not just sending the children..to water them and dead head them…Not as often as I would like, but just enough to push myself.

Here it is to refresh your memory…

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Another accomplishment happened yesterday…I actually went to Church, with a friend…and you will really laugh, because the Church is LITERALLY, next door to my house.  Of course, I hung out in the Choir loft, the Priest allowed me to be there,since he knows of my situation, and generously offered, because the choir was not singing this Sunday.  I made it through that too.

Yes…my nightmares have been more frequent, and even a bit more vivid…but healing does not come without pain I suppose…..so I have got to be Brave…if not for me…for those around me who Love me and have supported me through all of this.

In the process I hope to help others as well…as I said when I began this blog…I want to be heard, and help others be heard as well.

I had a conversation yesterday with one of my siblings…and besides the great Ab workout I get whenever we speak (all the laughing), my fire was lit and this time, hopefully for good.  It was said in that conversation, after much back and fourth about why I have not “written my book yet”, and there was always a comeback for my excuses… “You want to help people, but Who are you helping if you don’t write it?”  Well that did it….it was the exact thing I needed to hear, in the exact way and in the exact time….everything happens for a reason, and in the right time….Right?

So, after spending all night, and I mean literally, all night, and 4 pots of coffee later 2 and 1/2 pencils..I have been writing…with a vengence…the words somehow will not stop, and it FEELS GREAT!

I also came to a realization that I will not be sharing the experiences that happened at length in this blog…because one of the reasons came clear to me, as to why I was not blogging or writing the book so much….it is because, I do not want my children to read some of the things, nor some of my Family…but my stalwart sibling had an answer for that too….”Ask them not to read it…if they respect you, they won’t do it.”

True… and I agree… so, I will be asking some people not to read it, and since this blog is so very public…I will keep to a minimum the stories of my life…post only those that have been heard by my loved ones…and I will use this venue as a platform to reach others who are in similar situations, and update you on the progress of the book…my healing, and hopefully the healing of others.

Thanks for Hearing!

Sincerely;

Bea Heard